I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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