Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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