i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this just has baby written all over it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
