OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
