The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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