She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Fuck appropriateness.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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