he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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