If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
