Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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