Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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