It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
