But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
