left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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