Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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