scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
