so that wasnt chicken after all
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
