I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
