his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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