that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
