I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
