wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
