well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
