I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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