you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
