Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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