We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
