Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
so much tequila, so little girl.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
