just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
