hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
