Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
