White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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