Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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