tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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