so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
