You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
