I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
