So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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