When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
