I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
