dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
