my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
