1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
