so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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