so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
