that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
