you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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