If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
