Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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