i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's blow job season.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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