I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
