We won't sleep together?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
