My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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