Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
